Don't mess with the J-Man, you may have superior knoweledge of math but bow down before my useless and superior knowledge of television and movie theme songs. Just thank G-d you can't hear me sing them. Mwahahahahahahaha ha ha ha.

Dear God, you made many, many poor people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?


If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
Sqauking just as noisily as they can.
And each loud "cheep" and "swaqwk" and "honk" and "quack"!!!!
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle beedle beedle bum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife,
With a proper double-chin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
"If you please, Reb Tevye..."
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!
Radreher! Ladrehere! Rahbam!
And it won't make one bit of difference, if I answer right or wrong.
When you're rich, they think you really know.

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack,
To sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe, have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.
Ahhhhh.

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, didle didle deedle deedle dum.

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Should it spoil some Vast Eternal Plan!!
If, I were a Weal-THY MAAAAN!!



VICTORY IS MINE!!! NOW I CAN LAUGH MANIACLLY. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
And where do we feature?
Just listen to teacher

I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!

(Bansai)Yeah be prepared ha ha
We'll be prepared...
For what?
(Scar)For the death of the king!
(Bansai)Why is he sick?
(Scar)No, fool. We're gonna kill him
and Simba too
(Shenzi)Great idea!!! Who needs a king?
(Shenzi, Bansai, Ed)No king,no king! la la la la la la
(Scar)IDIOTS! there will be a king
(Bansai)hey, but u said...?
(Scar)I will be king!!!!! Stick with me
And u'll never be hungry again!
(Shenzi)Yaaay! all right! long live the king... ja ja jaaaa

It's great that we'll soon be connected
With a king who'll be all-time adored

Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me!

So prepare for the coup of the century
(Oooh!)
Be prepared for the murkiest scam
(Oooh... La! La! La!)
Meticulous planning
(We'll have food!)
Tenacity spanning
(Lots of food)
Decades of denial
(We repeat)
Is simply why I'll
(Endless meat)
Be king undisputed
(Aaaaaaah...)
Respected, saluted
(...aaaaaaah...)
And seen for the wonder I am
(...aaaaaaah!)
Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared
(Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo)
Be prepared!

Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared - Be prepared!

One for each other and all for one,
The Three brave Amigos are we,
Brother to brother and everyone,
A brave Amigo.

Where ever they need us our destinys lead us,
Amigos we’re always together! (ha ha! ai ai ai ai!)
Where ever we go we're three brave Amigos,
And we'll be Amigos forevaaar!!

We are the three Aaamigos!
We are the threeee Aaaaamigos!
We are the threeeee Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaamigos,
And amigos forever we'll beeeeeeeeeeeeee. . .
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
There the modern stone age family,
From the town of Bedrock,
There a page right out of history,

Let's ride, with the family down the street,
By the, courtesy of Fred's two feet,
When you're, with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time,
We'll have a gay old time!


Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
There the modern stone age family,
From the town of Bedrock,
There a page right out of history,

Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight,
Then that, cat will stay out for the night,
When you're, with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time,
We'll have a gay old time,
We'll have a - gay - old - time!!

WILMA!!!!!!!!!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship

The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure,
Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour,
A three hour tour

The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
With Gilligan.....
The Skipper too.....
The Millionaire ....
And his wife....
The Movie star ....
The Professor and Mary Ann....
Here on Gilligan's Isle.

So, this is the tale of our cast-aways
They're here for a long, long time
They'll have to make the best of things....
It's an uphill climb...
The first mate and his skipper, too.
Will do their very best...
To make the others comfortable in their tropic island nest.
No phone! No lights!
No motor car...
Not a single luxury...
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's primitive as can be

So join us here each week my friend
You're sure to get a smile...
From 7 stranded cast-aways
Here on Gilligan's Isle!!

It seems today,
That all you see,
Is violence in movies,
And sex on TV.

But where are those good old fashioned values,
On which we used to rely?!!

It’s lucky there’s a Family Guy!
Luck there’s a man who,
Positively can do,
All the things that make us,
Laugh and cry!
It’s Lucky,
He’s a,
Fami-ly,
Guy!!!!

Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)

Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)

Their creepy and there cooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
Their all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

The house is a museam,
When people come to see am,
They really are a scre-am,
The Addams Family.

Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)

Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum!
Da da da dum, (clap!) (clap!)

Da da da dum, dam! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum, dam! (clap!) (clap!)
Da da da dum, dam!
Da da da dum, dam!
Da da da dum, (eah!) (eah!)
Da da da dum, (boing!)
Da da da dum!

Come an’ listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor mounteneer barely kept his family fed,
And then one day he was shootin’ at some food,
And up through the ground come a bubblin crood.

Oil, that is.
Black gold.
Texas tea.

Well the first thing ya know old Jed’s a millionaire,
The kin folks said, “Jed move away from there,”
Said “Californey is the place ya oughtta be,”
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverley.

Hills, that is.
Swimmin pools, movie stars.

THE BEVERLEY HILLBILLIES

But now its time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin,
They would like to thank you folks for kindly droppin’ in,
You’re all invited back next week to this locality,
To have a heapin’ helpin’ of their hospitality.

Hillbilly, that is.
Set a spell.
Take your shoes off.
Y’all come back now, ya hear!

This’s been a filmways presentation.

It's time for An-i-man-i-acs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh till you collapse
We're An-i-man-i-acs

Come join the Warner brothers
And the Warner sister Dot
Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught
But we break loose...
And then vamoose...
And now you know the plot!

We're An-i-man-i-acs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax
We're An-i-man-i-acs

Meet Pinky and the brain
Who want to rule the universe
Goodfeathers flock together,
Slappy wacks 'em with her purse
Buttons chases Mindy
While Rita sings a verse
The writers flipped...
We have no script...
Why bother to rehearse!

We're An-i-man-i-acs
We have pay for play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks
We're An-i-man-ee
Totally insany
Here's the shows namey
An-i-man-i-acs
Those are the facts!